Many of us grew up in families where there were unspoken contracts about why we were loved and loveable. Many of these contracts were unspoken loyalties to the family or tribe. Unspoken reasons why we received love from our families came from times before many of us had language to even question or protest. Many came before we had logical thought. Some love contracts are inherited through families for generations. Many of us continue these unconscious reasons for love into our family of choice and our adult relationships. The reasons for unconscious love contracts love are many. Sometimes they are political, like inheriting a political party. Sometimes they are cultural, religeous, belief systems, emotional or intellectual attitudes. Some people get loved for maintaining their social standing....Some people get love in a family for being loyal..some for keeping quiet..some for loving money..some for hating money..some for hating others of a different color, race or creed..some get love for being outsiders..some for loving the staus quo..some for being strong..some for being weak...the list goes on and on..Depending on the mental, emotional and spiritual maturity or your family, you may have inherited different ones, but in each family there are usually rules as to who gets loved and why.
Consider the unspoken love contracts you grew up with. Can you recognize what they were? Many of them are subtle. Sometimes they are very obvious! Many rules of the family or tribe are rules to keep the family order stable or the power dynamic static. Many values are shared but are used as weapons, subtle manipulation for love. While all this sounds kind of sinister, most of it happens naturally in the course of family dynamics. Many times it is the child who feels that if they are different from their parents they will not be loved. Many times this is the cause for teenage rebellion and adult differentiation..the process of growing up. But it is useful to consider what possible love contracts you grew up with and what possible contracts you are carrying into your adult relationships.
Here are some questions to consider..What made your parents happy? What made your parents praise you? What did you do to please them? What did you feel obligated to do or be in your family? What unspoken contracts are you engaing in today with your family? Can you free your self of unspoken contracts by making them conscious? We can release them if necessary. We can speak about them to those we love. We can forgive those involved for the entanglement of undesirable contracts. We can outgrow the need for love contracts. We can outgrow the need for conditional love.
As we become more conscious, we can release the patterns of the past and chose new and healthier ways to connect with those we love. Allowing for forgiveness, compassion, non-attachment, non-judgement we can move forward to create freer ways to love and be loved.. Burn those old contracts that no longer serve you! Feel free to be who you are and how you want to be!